Paperback

HalfGlovesAreTheBest

My uncle has been teasing me for the last couple days about my taste in boys.  I find this hilarious.  Sometimes I think he’s more of a girl than I am.  And he’s probably reading this as we speak.  (He does host my blog afterall)

Last night we watched “How to Train Your Dragon” which is THE cutest movie I have ever seen and has automatically topped my favorites list.  The main character was so adorkable you just wanted to frigging squeeze him.  I love the girl character too because girls who are strong, sporty, and competitive are awesome.  When I first saw them fight (or attempt to) the first thing that popped in my head was “I SHIP IT!”  I need to get a life and get off the internet xD.  There’s another character that was OBVIOUSLY a D&D roleplayer and I said this to my uncle.  Then I realized that this movie is about Dragons so…er yeah.  Probably shouldn’t have said D&D.  Hehe.  And Toothless was perhaps the CUTEST dragon I have ever seen.

It was adorable.  I squeed

My uncle laughed at me and said something about how awesome it was to see me so girly.

I RESENT THAT!

No not really.  He’s just mean.

Anyway I found my gloves and my watch and I’m SO happy.  So today I rocked them with my red suspenders, which I love more than life.  I look kind of punky today, which is hilarious because I am so not at all punky.  I don’t usually dress a certain way, I mean I usually dress casually, T-shirt, jeans, hat/suspenders, but I don’t really follow a certain style.  Sometimes I look a bit preppy, other times I concentrate on looking professional, nerdy, and occasionally I’ll throw on a leather jacket and look kind of (not really) badass.  Doesn’t really matter, I just kind of throw on whatever.  But sometimes, sometimes it feels kind of weird rocking a style I don’t usually wear, because you can’t help but feel a little self conscious.  I mean, I’m human aren’t I?  It’s only natural that I feel uncomfortable sometimes (a lot of times, I’m an awkward person remember?) But then I have to remind myself that maybe wearing a lot of different styles defines me better than one style ever would.  I mean, I like a lot of things and I am a lot of things why not dress like all of those things. Hey so long as I feel good it doesn’t really matter what I wear.

-

I see no purpose to this particular post but hey I’m happy.

Love you all.

Oh I'm SUCH a dork.

Oh I missed the mark by 30 minutes!

What a shame.

D:

I’ll post again later today.  You know, when I can actually consider it today.

It’s been a good Friday though, I’ll elaborate later.

I’ve had two really crappy days and I’m tired to the point where I can’t even blog about it.  Blogging is really good for me and usually it makes me feel better but right now I just don’t have the energy for it.  I’m really tired (despite spending half the day sleeping) and I don’t want to deal right now.

I’m not really feeling anything but exhaustion so there’s not a lot I can say or do.

It just seems like the more people I’m around the lonelier I feel.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I usually like Fridays.  So I’ll see you then.

In Which I am Normal

I’m so tired.  In general.  Wednesdays and Thursdays are just not my days.  Something about this school year just royally sucks.  Academically I’m fine, good grades (for the most part), good habits, I’ve started to really get in sync with when I work best (at night) and I’m doing well in math (for the most part) which is my hardest subject.

But god, Oh god I hate it.  I seem to have really bad luck every year.  I’m always, always, stuck in classes with people who don’t give a shit about school, or people who classroom stalk me (I’m being completely serious) and eventually I just end up super negative about that class.  Someone somewhere is trying to punish me, and I don’t know why.  It must be really funny to watch me squirm around trying to deal with class.

I don’t switch out of classes because I know it’s only temporary, I can survive and I have survived and I will survive so I’ll just deal.  No reason being a whiney annoying (typical) teenager over it.  Life isn’t always going to give you lemons so you’ll just have to suck it up and move on, but come on throw me a bone every once in a while you know?

:\

There is not a single class I’m enjoying this year.

My History teacher is a jerkass but for the most part this is okay because I don’t speak in class and he doesn’t really give a crap about what we do or if we fail.  He doesn’t even really teach, he sits us in front of a screen and makes us watch documentaries.  Not a hard class to pass. Unlike the rest of the class I actually absorb the information he gives us, but it’s not like that really matters.

My Math teacher is annoying.  He’s got this really weird vibe to him.  It’s like he’s happy but not happy.  He’s upbeat and peppy but no one actually realizes how mean he is.  If you actually listen to what he says you’ll notice how dryly humored and sarcastic he is.  He basically thinks we’re all stupid and he’s really fed up with us.  -Which is fair because I’m fed up with us too.  My math class is one of those classes that just drags on and on and on – no one’s really listening and my teacher is brilliant at the subject he just doesn’t actually explain to us what he’s doing.  He’s kind of hard to follow and you really have to adjust yourself to his style of teaching to get it.  The beginning portion of this class was spent learning the same 5 things over and over again because no one was actually listening to him.  I zone him out now.  His class is not worth it, and it’s not like he ever calls on me anymore.  Honestly, I raise my hand and he purposely ignores me.  Occasionally I’ll shout out the answer but he’ll pretend he didn’t hear me and then the guy behind me shouts out the answer and BOOM yay look who got the right answer.

Spanish isn’t bad but I just hate the subject.  I can barely speak my own language let alone another.  I don’t really consider myself fluent in English, I’m still learning and I still have a lot of trouble with it to the point where I just want to throw myself at the wall.  I’m not interested in it but this class is okay for the most part.  Out of all my classes this is the one I have the least amount of issues in.  My teacher is nice and the kids are good for the most part.  Class drags on a bit and I want to be the first out of the room but hey, what are you going to do about it?

Biology is boring.  I actually really like the subject but oh my god it’s boring.  And I don’t know who I should sit next to.  I don’t really have a lot of friends in that class.  I have one and a half.  A casual buddy and a friend I sometimes hang out with.  I like them both, they’re awesome and funny and I like talking to them but I don’t actually know them.  I remember being really awkward on the first day of class.  I hate not knowing where to sit, usually in those situations I just sit by myself but the annoying boy in my class isn’t letting that happen.  He stalks me.  Straight up follows me.  At first I thought I was just assuming things so I tested it.  I walked over to the otherside of the room and pretended to read a poster, I waited for him to sit down and then proceeded to pick a different table to sit in.  He gets up and goes to my table.  x.x”

English sucks.  It is my best subject and it completely sucks.  My teacher is really disappointed in my class, I can tell.  She looks to me to save her and since I like her (she’s one of my favorite people…ever) I usually do, but I’m so sick of being the only one who participates.  (Remember my previous blog?)  I actually don’t consider myself very good at english, I just think everyone else is worse.  My grammar is atrocious and my spelling is worse, but I work at it so you don’t really notice but I do struggle at times.  I just overcome them very well.  I’m at class pace, I’m not a super amazing writer, I’m at where I should be (maybe a tiny bit further) and for someone like me that is a huge accomplishment.  Somehow English went from my absolute worse subject in the world to one of my best so I’m very happy about that.  But god can the people in my class at least try?  And then I have to remind myself that it’s high school and no one really cares anymore.

I’m just really tired of working so hard and seeing no gain.  And if I see no gain I’ll start to see the quality of my work slack and I really can’t do anything about that.

I wish I could be in an environment in which I chose my own learning path.  I’d leave my Spanish alone, because that class is the one that’s pretty okay with me, I’d put myself in a one-on-one learning position in math.  Like a private tutor or teacher or something.  For English I’d be in a small class (10-people max) where we’d all be at roughly the same level and we’d be able to have smart and interesting conversations about books/social issues.  History would be put in a similar situation and we’d debate and offer up our own opinions without fear, Biology will be more hands on learning and less lecturing/copyingnotes.

Right, if only huh?  I don’t really like to complain about my classes because complaining about them really does nothing for me.  I’m still going to have to get up tomorrow and get my butt to school, but sometimes complaining makes me feel so much better about it.

It’s nice to get things off your chest.

I only have two months left.  (Thank God) And I’m super excited about this summer.  I’ll be working with my girls again (I miss them!) and I’ll be going to this awesome Medical conference thingy full of kids like me who are actually interested in the subject.  AND I get college credit for it (Woop!)

Only a bit more left…it’s almost over…Blogging about it makes it easier, it just tells me another day done.  We’re closer to the finish line.

I’ll see you guys tomorrow.  Hopefully I won’t be as annoying and ranty, but I can’t really help myself.  My family woke me up from my slumber (BAD IDEA, I get REALLY REALLY moody) so I’m all like ugh.

I should stop talking now.

Bye bye!

Not. Working. At. All

Brain

is

Not

Working

Too

Hyped

Up

Going

To

Go

Now.

It’s Catch-22; What the Hell are we Supposed to Do?

It’s not writers block, it’s more like unabletowritewellblock.  And it’s killing me.  I’m swimming in all these ideas (Some brilliant others…) and I can’t frigging write them down.

I kind of wished I had my Post-its again.  When I’m in one of these moods where I write but I can’t actually write (like on paper, on a document, create an actual story) I pace.  And I pace a lot because that’s what I do when I’m thinking, and when I pace I think a lot.  Random phrases pop in and out of my head, character names, backstories, faces, things of that nature just come and go and sometimes I just don’t want them to go.

But I can’t write them down, because then they do go and I don’t want to risk that.

So I was stuck.  Write them down, lose them, don’t write them down, lose them.  What the hell do I do?

And at some point I started to just jot little notes down because that seemed to work better and I would have a billion scraps of paper with random scribbles that I didn’t know what to do with.  I ended up thumbtacking them to the cork board in my room.  They’re like prompts, if I need to write something but don’t know what I’ll glance up and find them.

But the random scraps of paper were killing me, so I decided on something else.

Post-its.

I pace, I write little notes – jumbled, scribbled, hasty, thoughts and just stick them to my wall.  It’s like a work of art.  It’s my brain at work.

I end up taking them down after every thought section and put them in a folder but it’s still nice because I can write and I can pace and it just gets my creative juices flowing.

Makes my room a mess though.

So there, a little trivia thing about me you guys don’t know about.

I’m gathering my Post-its right now and I’m going to jot all my ideas down sometime soon.  I feel it needs to be done because these ideas won’t leave my head but they’re never really around long enough for me to write them down.

*insertsighhere*

At least I have a semisolution, and besides writing out your thought is fun, especially when you have a trail of Post-its.  It really shows you how crazy the thought process is.

Currently the one thought that keeps coming back to me is “B-Side” as in the B-side of an album/record.

My brain has been really music related lately. I think it’s the songs of the days.  Which reminds me, today’s song of the day is “HeartBreaker” by MSTRKRFT

Last night was a total cop out, obviously.  I usually blog at night but I wasn’t exactly home last night, it was amazing I even got something up.  Luck is on my side this year.

Last year I missed a day and I swear it’s not happening this year.

Swear.

So I don’t know if you guys know what feng shui is but basically it rules my aunt’s brain.  My FOB Aunt, the one that just immigrated here.  She’s beautified the house with flowers (…most of them don’t freak me out so it’s not that bad) and things of the like, but she always places them according to what the feng shui tells us to.

Of course, my entire family does that and always has done that so I’ve always lived in it.  It’s part of the culture here at home and I don’t really notice it, because it’s not like we make a habit of reorganizing the furniture every five minutes.

But it does make that job a lot harder.

I think the home is always going to be screwed up, we have couches blocking the windows, bars in the corner so no one can actually get to it – so on and so forth, but yeah that’s just how it works.

And apparently it gives us good spiritual energy and I need all the energy I can get.

There’s really no point to this, I don’t even know where I’m going with this (Do I ever?)

But I’m tired, I have 4-5 chapters of “Catch-22″ I have to read, spanish homework to do (can’t wait till that’s over with) and a morning to dread.

I’ll see you all tomorrow.

Cop Out

I am at a sleepover, Blogging whilst everyone watches me.

I’m going to go now.

#TotalCopOut

Color of Music

My friend asked us “If the world were in black and white, and you could choose any one thing you could see in color, what would it be?”

And I jokingly answered, “The red wire, that way I could defuse a bomb”

I’ve done a lot of thinking since then and I’ve bounced back and forth between answers.  I even evaluated the answers my friends relayed to me, apparently one girl would want to see photographs, that way she could take a picture of something and see color (which is ridiculously clever) and another would want to see their true love.

I jumped from seeing the water – but if people don’t know what the water looked like wouldn’t they just pollute it to the point where it’s not pretty anymore? – the lake, but that’s too general – the moon but that’s already white…I even considered a rainbow and then thought back on it with a grimace.

This seemingly easy question is actually really hard to answer.

I was trying to think about what colors I would miss, I would miss the color of grass, of the ocean, of the lake, of the trees, of the leaves, my friends, my family, my suspenders, videogames, television, people, so on and so forth.

Then for some reason one single thought occurred to me.  I would miss music most of all.  But, what does that have to do with color?  I thought about how I would be able to answer this question with music being the answer, would I miss the album art? the CD disk?

And despite not knowing what color music was, I knew that’s what I would miss the most.

Heroes actually helped.  I remembered that there was a character named Emma who was deaf but could actually see sound.  She could see what everyone else heard, music especially and I remember someone on the show mentioning how that was an actual human condition.  A rare one but it still existed.

I don’t quite understand it, wikipedia defines it as “a neurologically-based condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway” and there a different kinds of Synesthesia.  The one I’m refering to – the one the Hero Emma has, is sound → color synesthesia.

And the idea is just so interesting and so odd and different and so everything I want.

I would miss music most, in any situation, and I would never want to lose that.

Yeah, weird answer I know but it’s the only one that feels right.

It’s Just Not My Thing

I was just reading back some of the comments from a blog awhile ago and I find it hilarious that all of you hate raisins.  I love you, we can all start a raisin hating club together.

Tuesdays are about to get a lot more annoying for those of you that follow me on Twitter, so I seriously suggest either unfollowing me or turning off the device updates if you phone follow me.  My friends and I are going to start “Tweet-A-Thons” where we basically all watch the same show and tweet our reactions and @reply each other with our responses.  I thought it’d be a fun way to watch a show together without actually being together.  Hey, maybe at the end of the shows run we can all have a huge IRL marathon?  Hmm, I’ll bring it up sometime later.

I’ve been really out of it lately, and I feel this week is going by way too slowly.  Spring break feels like it was forever away and the days just drag on.  I think a lot of people are suffering from vacation withdrawls.  I mean, everyone knows that the last couple of months of school – up until the second to last week – is a complete joke.  After standardized testing is over and done with no one wants to actually do anything.  We’re all just so groggy and tired.  It was kind of funny actually, my friends and I would actually find ourselves stuck in a silence in the middle of a conversation.  We would all just stop talking, and it’s not an awkward silence it’s a sigh-I-want-the-week-to-be-over-with silence and that never happens.  We’re always talking, communicating, connecting but now we’re just ugh.

Sometimes I can’t even put my headphones on.

I have this really annoying folding headphone with a long (ridiculously so) cable and I always end up tying it around my neck or something.  Lately I’ve been hooking it around the little loop in pants that the belts go but it’s still a hassle to change songs, move your neck, ect.  And sometimes the headphones slide right off of my head so I just kind of let it them go.  I don’t really want to deal with all of that in my brief 3 minute walk to and from class.

When it comes to music I have a very very particular taste.  I don’t tend to like things that don’t fit into my little box.  WizardWrock, randomsortofindiebands, mainstreamsoftrock, prettyguitarinstrumentals, ect.  But I have been known to let a few things slide by.  I always like to point out the difference between liking a song and thinking the song is catchy.  Tik Tok is catchy, Lady Gaga is catchy, but do I like them?  Not particularly, do I sometimes find myself listening to it willingly, or humming along when they come on?  Yes, but I’m not a big fan.  It’s just not my thing.

I’ve been saying that a lot lately, “It’s not my thing” I think it’s because I hate bashing things.  I hate saying “Oh I don’t like something” because then people get defensive.  I’m not saying what you like is bad, I’m just saying I don’t like it.  Well…sometimes I say it’s bad but really, that’s my opinion and I totally respect you if you do like it/think it’s good.

We’re all different, we like different things and there’s an audience for everything.  Just don’t hate me if I’m not in that audience.

So yes, I’m opinionated but I respect you for being opinionated too.  I’m more comfortable in my box and sometimes I wish people would respect that more, sometimes I don’t want to try new things.  Sometimes I don’t want to be pushed.  I have moods for when I’m really open to things but if I’m not in the mood I’m really not in the mood.

Let me be me yeah?

On the subject of moods, I’d like to mention something really quickly.  I get kind of grumpy when I wake up from a nap, sometimes I’m still groggy so I need 15-30 minutes to not be all bitchy.  I am not liable for my actions during that groggy time.  Now can you imagine how bad I get when someone wakes me up from my nap?  It’s crazy, I’m like the meanest person on the planet then.  You do not want to cross me.

So today I woke up from my nap with an ASS on my face and I’m like Psychocrazywhatthefuck? grumpy. I mean it’s bad enough I’m up when I’m not ready to be up but I get REALLY annoyed when someone decides to SIT ON MY FACE.  I woke up and cursed my uncle (not the cool one, from here on out I will refer to this uncle as FOB uncle) out.  I was pissed, and then I threatened to shove a pen up where the sun don’t shine and that kicking his ass is the least he has to worry about.

It was an accident but interrupting me in the middle of my naps is perhaps the WORST thing you could do.

Wow, and as usual I’m all over the place again.  So I’m going to wrap this post up with today’s song of the day, which is “Second Place Victory” by This Day and Age